I hate school

Those who know me, know I hate institutional schooling for my kids. For lots of kids, it's fine, but not for mine. Don't get me started...

I homeschooled Russ and Nikita for a couple of years, even as a single parent, before my work hours changed and I had FAR less time to work with them. Nikita is so lazy that he would never do his assigned work, and I got so frustrated with him, that I did put him back into school so that at least he'd DO SOMETHING and keep out of trouble, as he was getting into more and more at home, with no supervision. But I kept Russ at home longer, as he worked harder, and was trustworthy. But he was miserable. I was gone long hours, he was bored with his work, and I can't blame him for hating it, and told him so.

So, last year, I stuck him back in school. He LOVED it. I cried like a baby. All year I have had this uneasy feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it. Russ was making good grades, he was happy, he was studying harder than I've ever seen him, etc. but my spirit was so uneasy.

Friday evening, Eddie dropped him off at school for a dance. I did not want him to go to the dance (again, the uneasy feeling), but relented, thinking that I just needed to CALM DOWN and let the boy be "normal"!! (Don't get me started on this, either...!)

Eddie should have been home after about 10 min, but it was almost an hour. He didn't have his phone on him, and I was getting nervous. He finally came in and looked upset. Uh, oh... He was driving home from the school and had a feeling (again with those feelings...!) that he ought to stop by Russ's best friend's house. As he entered our neighbor's house, he was bombarded with stories about Russ and his behavior. He was immediately told that Russ was not welcome at their house anymore, and that Russ has been ganging up with other kids at school to call their son fat, a nerd, a weirdo, and other things that my husband spared me when he told me this story. Not only that, but the day that Eddie and I took Nikita to DisneyWorld, Russ called this friend up and let him have it, yelling at him so loudly through the phone that the boy's father could hear him from across the garage! (I may have heard Russ yell ONCE in his whole life - he is such an eventempered, nice kid!)

This is NOT like Russ, who has been the most EASY child imaginable to raise. He is respectful, loving, obedient, charming, ambitious, etc. and I've hardly ever had a moment's trouble with him, in stark contrast to his sister and brother. To hear this story shocked me.

Eventually the dance was over, and I picked him up. He could tell I was upset and tried dragging it out of me. I told him that his dad and I had something we wanted to talk to him about. I could tell he was nervous (can't blame him). We sat down at the kitchen table and told him what we'd learned. He had the instant "I've been caught" look on his face, and tried covering for himself, but being the lousy liar that he is (he's so darned honest) he couldn't defend himself well, and to abbreviate this story a bit, the long and the short of it is that yes, he was with a group of kids who were taunting his poor best friend, calling him fat, etc. (the boy is quite overweight but an extremely nice kid!!) Russ admitted that he no longer liked his friend because he wasn't "cool". When asked for an example, Russ stated, "When he says hi, he sticks his hand out like this and says, 'Hey, Russ' and it just looks so dumb." I was shocked that he would have dropped his standards to this level.

So it seems that Russ has been hanging out with the wrong crowd: kids who are Popular and Cool, and to be with them means that you have to bash the nerdy kids. Apparently, he has been knocking himself out all year to get into this group and has sacrificed his honor and his best friend, and who knows what else.

I am so ashamed. This was the child that had the highest standards imaginable in a kid his age. A boy who once wanted to be president so that he could teach all Americans about Jesus. A boy who never lied, never stole, never put anyone down. He has become a Follower, willing to do whatever it takes to be in the "right" crowd. Has he done drugs, too? When will he begin that, in order to please the "right" people??

He has been so moody, lately. He's even begun to talk back (a LITTLE), and has a real passive-aggressive side coming out. This is SO not like him!!! I don't really want to take him in to get some anti-depressants, because I don't like to rely on pills for everything, but this is so out of character for him. School has really messed him up this year.

I KNEW I had an uneasy feeling about sending him back...

So Eddie and I have pretty much decided to keep him home again next year. We can't afford private school for him, and with his new addiction to all things worldly and school-based, he is changing in ways that I just can't accept. He will do his schooling on-line, through the FL Virtual School. He is very motivated academically, still, and hopefully he can keep very busy through this. He has become so obsessed with other kids his age - he's not the boy I knew. He has changed so much this year, and not in good ways.

Before you comment with how he's at "that age" and that it's "normal" for kids to rebel, talk to parents of kids who have always homeschooled and see what they say. The rebelliousness and anger comes from being in a hostile environment for hours and hours a day with no choices of who to be with or not be with. That is not healthy for children. Kids raise other kids in schools. Everyone agrees that in the upper grades, other kids become kids' biggest influence. And no one has a problem with this?????

He needs another year at home to mature, at least. He is too big of a follower to stand on his own. Just ask his former best friend.

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Am I sweating the small stuff??

The boys had a great time on their "missions trip" and they did a lot of work around town, painting a battered women's shelter, landscaping a homeless shelter, etc. and they came home full of ideas to help people further. Neat, huh?!

Except! Russ told me that everynight after Praise and Worship, they had fun partying! The boys ran around the church property in their underwear, one boy mooned several people, and the worst thing: after making a kid go blindfold and spinning him around, etc. one boy practically sat on his face without his pants on!

I about freaked out. Russ kept defending the situation, saying everyone was having fun and the kid was laughing as much as everyone else, but I said, "Sure! He was laughing in front of everyone, but how do you know he wasn't screaming on the inside?! How do you know how he REALLY feels?! He must've been HORRIBLY embarrassed!" Russ insisted that they were just having fun, and mumbled that he shouldn't have told me. I told him that this was NO way for kids to act who are on a "missions trip", in a church, right after Praise and Worship time! He got quiet.

I know that boys will be boys, and that Russ thought it was so much fun to "party" like this, but I am just as mad as I can be. He said that there was a chaperone there, but he couldn't remember his name (sure!!), and he couldn't remember the group that he was in (uh, HUH!).

Am I overreacting to this??? Am I sweating the small stuff?? I tried to call the pastor in charge today, but because it's Good Friday, the office is closed.

I am seething over this and would like advice as to how to react. I try SO hard to keep my child sheltered from this kind of wild, lewd behavior and to have it happen in church under supervision, just fries me to no end. Eddie says that I need to let him be a boy and that boys do really wild things sometimes, but I just can't accept that.

Please leave advice for me in the comments section if you would. I'm dying to hear others' perspectives on this. Thanks!

Free at Last!!

Yesterday I dropped the kids off at church for a 3-night "missions" thing. They will do community service projects with their other Youth Group friends around town. They will paint, do yard work, etc. They are excited! They were worried about how bored they'd be during Spring Break, and of course, any time they can spend with other kids, they will!!

That means that Eddie and I get the next few days to ourselves!!! How did we spend our first night alone?? I joined a chat group for Eastern European adoptions while he worked on composing some music, then we watched Nancy Grace until we fell asleep.

Stupid lemonde diet!!

I failed miserably. I started my diet on Sunday morning, and by 3:45pm, I was dying. I was STARVING. All I could taste in my mouth ALL DAY was lemon and cayenne pepper. I was just miserable. I gave up and we all went to the Cracker Barrel for supper. I left FULL. :o)

So I called Eddie's PhD friend and she said that I was doing the whole thing WRONG. First, she said that a beginner should never attempt to do 30 days. She said that she only does 10 - 14 days, and she's done it hundreds of times!! She also said I should start much slower, and only do a "replace one meal a day" kind of thing for awhile.

So I feel pretty stupid. I think I'll wait until after Easter to begin. Jelly beans are just too tempting...

The diet...

I'm only 3/4 of a day into this diet and I'm STARVING. Stupid book said I wouldn't be hungry!!

I'm not sure if I can do this...

Another crazy diet???

My husband Eddie, knows a woman who is a doctor of nutrition. She is brilliant, generous and a wonderful friend. She also told us of a new kind of diet that I've decided to try. It's called "The Lemonade Diet". It's a liquid diet where you only drink many, many glasses of this concoction: water, lemon juice squeezed from lemons, pure maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. Sound crazy? Yes, I think it does!! I read the little book that explains it and it does sound like a good diet: it's supposed to completely detoxify and cleanse your whole body (even joints) and melt your fat. I figure if I don't like how it's going I'll just go off of it, but I'm so desperate to lose weight that I'll try about anything!!

We will enjoy Taco Salads tonight; I'm sure I'll eat my FILL, then start on the diet in the morning. Pray it goes well!!!

Welcome to my first post!

My name is MJ, and I live in Florida, which is so far south that most of its inhabitants (in winter, anyway) are from the north! I am happily married to Eddie, and this July marks our 2nd anniversary. Over the past 12 years, I've picked up three kids along the way from Eastern Europe, Tanya who is now 18, Nikita who is nearly 15, and Russ who is 14. Eddie and I are currently in the works to adopt my fourth, his first, child also from Eastern Europe! If it all works out, the little fella will be a 4 1/2 y.o. little blondie with Down Syndrome, which should be interesting and fun. He's picked out, but country laws dictate that I can't reveal his picture or his real name, so I will just call him Simon.

We have 3 dogs who run the house: Ellie, a 7 y.o. whippet who is dominant in all things but very sweet in her own way (and on her own terms); Adam, a 6 y.o. whippet who is very wussy and needy and loving and insecure and wonderful; and Daisy, a 1 y.o. Boston Terrier who is eternally happy and absolutely precious!

I am a physical therapist and I do home care. I love it but my goal in life is to be a stay-at-home mom and wife. My husband is a computer guru and French Hornist and pianist. I am very proud of him! He used to play professionally, but now he works from home composing music and designing websites.

I will try and keep this blog interesting as I love to write and I love to make friends! I've called it "SuperMom" in part because my son Russ has LOVED Superman ever since he came home from EE when he was 4, and our household just pretty much runs on anything "superhero-y". And it pretty much takes a "SuperMom" to keep the house running! I certainly don't qualify for this title, but it is what I am reaching for. Maybe someday I'll get there (probably when the last little bird flies the nest!!).