I hate school

Those who know me, know I hate institutional schooling for my kids. For lots of kids, it's fine, but not for mine. Don't get me started...

I homeschooled Russ and Nikita for a couple of years, even as a single parent, before my work hours changed and I had FAR less time to work with them. Nikita is so lazy that he would never do his assigned work, and I got so frustrated with him, that I did put him back into school so that at least he'd DO SOMETHING and keep out of trouble, as he was getting into more and more at home, with no supervision. But I kept Russ at home longer, as he worked harder, and was trustworthy. But he was miserable. I was gone long hours, he was bored with his work, and I can't blame him for hating it, and told him so.

So, last year, I stuck him back in school. He LOVED it. I cried like a baby. All year I have had this uneasy feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it. Russ was making good grades, he was happy, he was studying harder than I've ever seen him, etc. but my spirit was so uneasy.

Friday evening, Eddie dropped him off at school for a dance. I did not want him to go to the dance (again, the uneasy feeling), but relented, thinking that I just needed to CALM DOWN and let the boy be "normal"!! (Don't get me started on this, either...!)

Eddie should have been home after about 10 min, but it was almost an hour. He didn't have his phone on him, and I was getting nervous. He finally came in and looked upset. Uh, oh... He was driving home from the school and had a feeling (again with those feelings...!) that he ought to stop by Russ's best friend's house. As he entered our neighbor's house, he was bombarded with stories about Russ and his behavior. He was immediately told that Russ was not welcome at their house anymore, and that Russ has been ganging up with other kids at school to call their son fat, a nerd, a weirdo, and other things that my husband spared me when he told me this story. Not only that, but the day that Eddie and I took Nikita to DisneyWorld, Russ called this friend up and let him have it, yelling at him so loudly through the phone that the boy's father could hear him from across the garage! (I may have heard Russ yell ONCE in his whole life - he is such an eventempered, nice kid!)

This is NOT like Russ, who has been the most EASY child imaginable to raise. He is respectful, loving, obedient, charming, ambitious, etc. and I've hardly ever had a moment's trouble with him, in stark contrast to his sister and brother. To hear this story shocked me.

Eventually the dance was over, and I picked him up. He could tell I was upset and tried dragging it out of me. I told him that his dad and I had something we wanted to talk to him about. I could tell he was nervous (can't blame him). We sat down at the kitchen table and told him what we'd learned. He had the instant "I've been caught" look on his face, and tried covering for himself, but being the lousy liar that he is (he's so darned honest) he couldn't defend himself well, and to abbreviate this story a bit, the long and the short of it is that yes, he was with a group of kids who were taunting his poor best friend, calling him fat, etc. (the boy is quite overweight but an extremely nice kid!!) Russ admitted that he no longer liked his friend because he wasn't "cool". When asked for an example, Russ stated, "When he says hi, he sticks his hand out like this and says, 'Hey, Russ' and it just looks so dumb." I was shocked that he would have dropped his standards to this level.

So it seems that Russ has been hanging out with the wrong crowd: kids who are Popular and Cool, and to be with them means that you have to bash the nerdy kids. Apparently, he has been knocking himself out all year to get into this group and has sacrificed his honor and his best friend, and who knows what else.

I am so ashamed. This was the child that had the highest standards imaginable in a kid his age. A boy who once wanted to be president so that he could teach all Americans about Jesus. A boy who never lied, never stole, never put anyone down. He has become a Follower, willing to do whatever it takes to be in the "right" crowd. Has he done drugs, too? When will he begin that, in order to please the "right" people??

He has been so moody, lately. He's even begun to talk back (a LITTLE), and has a real passive-aggressive side coming out. This is SO not like him!!! I don't really want to take him in to get some anti-depressants, because I don't like to rely on pills for everything, but this is so out of character for him. School has really messed him up this year.

I KNEW I had an uneasy feeling about sending him back...

So Eddie and I have pretty much decided to keep him home again next year. We can't afford private school for him, and with his new addiction to all things worldly and school-based, he is changing in ways that I just can't accept. He will do his schooling on-line, through the FL Virtual School. He is very motivated academically, still, and hopefully he can keep very busy through this. He has become so obsessed with other kids his age - he's not the boy I knew. He has changed so much this year, and not in good ways.

Before you comment with how he's at "that age" and that it's "normal" for kids to rebel, talk to parents of kids who have always homeschooled and see what they say. The rebelliousness and anger comes from being in a hostile environment for hours and hours a day with no choices of who to be with or not be with. That is not healthy for children. Kids raise other kids in schools. Everyone agrees that in the upper grades, other kids become kids' biggest influence. And no one has a problem with this?????

He needs another year at home to mature, at least. He is too big of a follower to stand on his own. Just ask his former best friend.